Chameleon
by The Behemoth
Summary: After Buu's defeat, Son Goku is given a journal as a gift. He records all of his thoughts about his friends and family, including the more disturbing ones.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This story is an experiment for me. I suppose it could be categorized as "psychological horror." That's all I can really say. Major kudos to BringingYaoiBack for beta reading this fic!

The only warning I will give you is that there will be eventual Goku/Vegeta. Have fun with the read.

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 **ENTRY 0: IT** **'S ME, GOKU!**

Today I received you! I don't want to get into the details of who gave you to me until later. Perhaps I'll do that after I decide whether or not I actually want to continue writing inside of your pages. I've always considered journal-writing to be for narcissists. And who wants to be like them?!

Let's take a crack at this.

I am Son Goku! I often have thoughts that I know would get me in trouble if I spoke them out loud. I'll confide in you since I know you won't care about anything I say.

I am very good at lying. I don't lie often, but when I do, I do it perfectly. This isn't because I'm a smart guy—in fact, I'd say I'm kind of dumb. But for some reason, lying just comes naturally to me. Much like fighting!

It wasn't until after I was married I even realized what I was doing was considered to be "bad." I've only been caught a handful of times.

I'll start out with a few lies I've told:

I love my wife.

I love my children.

I love my friends.

There!

Here are a few more:

I hate killing people.

I've never cheated on my wife before.

Making up lies is actually very creative. Like fighting, I have to think up different combinations to get the end result I want. For example, saying, "I love you, Chi-Chi!" usually gets me extra dessert after dinner. Or a blow-job.

I guess I'm just different from other people, but I honestly don't see the difference between weaving fiction and telling the "truth." I mean, what is the "truth" anyway? If I say something is one way, what makes that any more or less true than anything else? If I tell my wife I love her and she believes it, what's so wrong with that?

People lie to me all of the time. The difference between me and them is that they think they do it out of generosity. My wife lies about our finances so that I'll go out and do more farm work to earn us money. She does it for a "greater good." I do it to be good, too. Well, to make myself feel good. But it makes her feel good too.

The only downside of lying is that sometimes it tires me out. When that happens, I just run off and train to clear my mind. :)

 **ENTRY 1: MY WIFE**

Let me tell you about Chi-Chi.

I have a very successful marriage because my wife thinks I'm an idiot.

Not only does Chi-Chi admire my stupidity, but she finds comfort in it. When I do stupid stuff, it's predictable. I'll leave the milk out overnight. I'll forget to go to the store and go grocery shopping. I _always_ "forget" her birthday. It's November 5th, by the way.

Being so dumb gives her a false sense of superiority over me. I'm okay with this. Chi-Chi isn't very smart herself, so in reality I'm doing her a huge favor by making her believe otherwise!

Unfortunately, she also has the bad habit of trying to guilt me into doing things for her. I can only tolerate it so much. If she takes it too far I know exactly how to put her back in her place.

Dinner earlier tonight is a good example of what I mean.

"Goku," she asked me after my third helping of the stew she made, "why don't you ever take Goten somewhere educational? Bulma told me today how Vegeta heard Trunks loved dinosaurs, so he took him to the natural history museum!"

I'm always kind to Chi-Chi. To be kind to her, I have to be dumb and I have to keep my mouth shut. I couldn't tell her that Vegeta only does that stuff because he's barely a man at all anymore. And I can't tell the truth and admit that I think Goten is too stupid to benefit from a trip to a museum.

Because I've been absent for most of Goten's life, Chi-Chi believes the easiest way to guilt trip me is to point out flaws in my parenting. But like I said, she isn't very smart. You'd think after being away from my family so often she'd figure out I don't devote much of my time figuring out how to be a good dad. Goten's lack of education is about as relevant to my life as the broken nail Chi-Chi has been bitching about for the past two days.

"Wow. Vegeta sure loves Bulma," I said. I looked down at my bowl and continued to eat.

Chi-Chi _loves_ trying to kill my spirit when it comes to the kids, but when it comes to our romance, she _hates_ comparing us to the Briefs. I have absolutely no fucking idea why, but she has romanticized Vegeta and Bulma's relationship.

She says her admiration of the couple has something to do with Vegeta "changing his ways" for the good of his family. But I can always spot a lie. I know what she really feels. Chi-Chi saw how over the years Bulma crushed what little spark was left in Vegeta, until he became nothing more than a yappy puppy she can call to heel at any time.

Chi-Chi wants me to be like that. Even after all of these years.

I told you she was stupid.

"Why do you say that, Goku?" Chi-Chi asked.

"Because he does all of that stuff for her and Trunks." I remember grinning stupidly back at her. "It must be because Bulma is so pretty."

Chi-Chi looked so sad then. "I think Vegeta just wants to be a good father."

Whenever my wife says something I don't care for, I ignore it. It doesn't work on people like Bulma or Vegeta, but it's perfect for her. I think she thinks I'm too slow to keep up with the pace of a normal conversation.

I remember laughing. "Hehe. I bet she gives him a lot of rewards for being a good dad, too. If you catch my drift."

She didn't say much else for the rest of the meal.

 **ENTRY 2: GOTEN**

The strangest thing about coming back from the dead was meeting my new son, Goten!

All of my friends and family say he looks just like me. But that's only because Chi-Chi cuts his hair to look like mine. That's where the similarities between him and me begin and end.

Goten is the most boring kid I've ever met. He worships Trunks and is his lackey. I bet Vegeta is proud of that.

Goten is brave, but only because he's kind of dumb? I guess I was that way when I was a kid, too. Maybe there isn't that much different about us after all!

But at least at Goten's age, Gohan knew what real fear and rage was. Goten has none of this—he has no spark, no flare, no passion, no anything! UGH! I blame his mother for this. Goten has never learned how to hate anyone. In a way I wish he had learned to hate _me_ the whole time I was dead.

I know this sounds bad, but I don't love Goten either.

There.

It's nice to write that down.

Earlier this afternoon I sparred with him. He's a decent fighter. But I can tell the only reason he's even interested in fighting is because all of the guys in his life enjoy it, and he has the energy of youth to fuel him. By the time he's a teenager he may not care about it at all.

How can I love a child like this? And why am I expected to? Yes, if he were to get hurt or suddenly disappear tomorrow, I would feel an emptiness. Like the time I lost one of my favorite shirts. I've gotten used to him being around in these few months. He keeps me busy during the day. But he simply isn't interesting enough for my feelings about him to run very deep.

I'm lucky that I don't have to put a lot of effort into being nice to him. He's happy whenever I'm around, which is cute, I guess? I'm not sure. I've never been a good judge of that kind of thing.

 **ENTRY 3: BULMA**

Earlier tonight, my family went to one of Bulma's parties. It was the same as always: there was loud music, tons of alcohol for the grown-ups, lots of food, and rich people party games.

The only strange thing was that Vegeta kept himself holed up in his room. I have a lot of thoughts about him, but I'll save them for another time. Don't want to get a cramp in my hand talking about that guy, haha!

I'll talk about Bulma instead.

I respect her. And I do like her in a way, as much as you can like a person when you're like me. She's intelligent and a great problem-solver. She's also attractive, but that's not really a good reason to respect someone.

I always thought something about her was annoying, though. One day I overheard Yamcha talking about her to Tien. He called her a "narcissist." I looked up the word. It really does fit her perfectly!

Let me explain.

First off, she has always resented Yamcha for being independent. I remember when she was a teenager, she hated how he had his own fan club. But I could also tell that she hated how he had a career of his own. She hated that he met new people all of the time. She hated how he would take months, or even years, to go off into the middle of nowhere to train. She hated that he was conventionally attractive, and thus would get hit on by sexy ladies everywhere they went. She hated that she didn't know where he was every second of the day.

When Vegeta showed up on Earth, he was her dream-come-true. Well, except for the fact he's the biggest faggot I know.

Not only is he an asshole, but he hates other people. This means he has no interest in socializing with other people. That also means he's never interested in talking with other women, either. Bulma never has any competition for Vegeta's affection. He's also ugly, especially compared to Yamcha. There never was, and there never will be, a fan club for Vegeta that parades around their home.

The Gravity Chamber was the best thing to happen to their relationship. Vegeta can train without ever stepping foot outside of Capsule Corp property. Does he even leave the house without her? I suppose he does stuff with Trunks, but even then, it's just to carry out orders she demands of him. Every single second of the day she knows where Vegeta is and what he's doing. Since she's got cameras all over Capsule Corp, many of them hidden (Yamcha told me), I bet she knows whenever he's taking a dump, too! Ha!

All those years ago, she took advantage of his self-loathing. And she took pity on his pathetic nature. She even fucked him without protection and got pregnant. No one pointed out the obvious when she first showed us Trunks on the day the Androids showed up. How is it that she was with Yamcha for years and never got pregnant, but suddenly had a child with a guy she barely knew?

Like I said, Bulma is very intelligent. She knew that as soon as she had Vegeta's child, he could never run away. And it worked out really, really well for her.

I'm kind of jealous. I wish I could make Vegeta do stuff for me, too.

Since I act stupid all of the time, I have the luxury of insulting her whenever I feel like without anyone getting mad at me. It especially feels great when I humiliate her in front of all of our friends. Everyone always laughs. She always gets the stupidest, most confused look on her face!

I didn't get a chance to do it at the party tonight. Hopefully I'll get a chance next time.

 **ENTRY 4: HELP**

Bulma came over to my house this morning. There's trouble in paradise. She said Vegeta has holed himself up in the Gravity Room for days, and that he won't listen to anything she says. She begged me to go over and talk to him.

I love it when people depend on me. I told her I'd come over after I had lunch.


	2. Chapter 2

**ENTRY 5: VEGETA**

I saw Vegeta today. Boy, is he predictable!

But before I get into the details of our little visit, let me tell you my thoughts about him.

When I was a little boy, Master Roshi told me all about queers. He told me that they talk in a certain way and even walk in a certain way. He said they wear weird clothes that call attention to themselves. The biggest giveaway of a queer, he said, was that they make uncomfortable eye contact with you. I didn't really understand at the time. But when I first met Vegeta I knew _he_ was the kind of man Master Roshi was talking about.

Vegeta talks like a faggot. What I mean is that he's whiny, insecure, and needs attention from all of the men around him to feel important. I guess he doesn't have a funny walk _per say._ But I've definitely seen him click his heels before, which is enough to make me skeptical of which way he swings.

The biggest giveaway that he's a huuuge homo is how he looks at me every time I walk into the room.

He wants to fuck me. Really, really badly. The look in his eye whenever I'm around is downright feral. He also talks about me all of the time to literally everyone around him. Sometimes I imagine I'm a fly on the wall of Bulma and Vegeta's bedroom and I imagine the kind of sex they must have. Does she fuck him with one of those strap-on dicks while he calls out my name? I wouldn't be surprised.

I love all of the attention he just hands over to me. Often times at parties I'll work my way around the room, talking to everyone _except_ for him. Or I'll just eat and wait for everyone to talk to me. It makes him so mad whenever I ignore him! He always makes sure to say at least a few words to me whenever I show up at Capsule Corp, even if it's his usual shit talk. So it was odd the other night when he hid himself away from everyone.

I really did admire the savage way Vegeta used to kill people. His rage was ruthless, but calculated. Years ago he used to fight like his life depended on it. Now? Now he is extraordinary, but soft. He allowed Bulma and Trunks to turn him to jelly. In Bulma's Gravity Chamber he's a fish in a tank. I can't believe he even allows her to look in on his training whenever she feels like it!

A long time ago, I thought he was more like me. I used to believe the only difference between us was that unlike me, he had nothing to gain from keeping all of his anger under control. He never had to put on a mask to make sure his life wouldn't fall apart. His anger was so pure.

Now? Ugh. Now I know his mask _was_ his anger. He feels _too_ much. When he cried so pathetically in front of Frieza moments before his death, the only thing I could do was take pity on him.

Let me tell you another thing that bothers me about Vegeta. It's his _face_. I fucking hate it!

It's not because I think he's ugly. I guess I can _maybe_ see the troll doll qualities he has and how that might be appealing to someone like Bulma who gets horny just from looking at monsters. But he's just so goddamn _emotive_ , and it creeps me out.

To clarify, it's not that everyone around me doesn't emote all of the time. But they usually gab on and on about their feelings when they do so. When Chi-Chi looks sad she tells me what I need to do to fix it. When Goten smiles up at me after breakfast, he says he wants to train. When Bulma is angry, she screams at me to stop whatever it is I'm doing.

But with Vegeta, he doesn't talk. Instead, he just gets these dumb fucking expressions on his face but stays quiet like we all can't tell what he's feeling. It's just so fucking gay! I hate how he gets that pathetic look on his face whenever he's feeling lonely or sad. And he looks at ME like I'M supposed to fix it. It's like, hey Vegeta, maybe if you weren't such a flaming weirdo who walks around in spandex all of the time, you wouldn't be so fucking sad? Maybe if you didn't let Bulma carry your balls around in her purse, you wouldn't hate yourself so much?!

It confuses me sometimes because on one hand, I'm glad he's so weak he feels like I'm the only person who can fix his problems. Like I said before, I love it when people depend on me. But on the other hand, why can't he fucking pull himself together and just act like a normal man? Why is he such a huge fucking pussy?

Maybe it would fix him if he took a few cocks up his ass. I'm sure the idea isn't foreign to him. Haha, I can see it now, Vegeta bent over while he gets rammed by some dude. That would probably make his day. He really is trash.

But maybe Earth men aren't his type! I guess he'd have to find a guy like me. Poor little Vegeta! There's only one guy like me, so you're just going to have to spend the rest of your awful life on this planet jerking off to thoughts of me or whatever it is you do in the Gravity Room when I'm not around!

Sometimes I want to just end his fucking miserable life so I don't have to look at his stupid sad face anymore. He is worse than the shit you scrape off the bottom of your shoe, and he knows it. Too bad Bulma isn't hot enough to turn him straight. And too bad she's too dumb to see him for what he really is. I can see it now: Vegeta asking me to fuck him. Begging for it. I do it just to shut him up, and afterwards he begs for sweet death too. So I crush his giant fucking head under my boot and tell his family he offed himself in the middle of nowhere or something! No one would miss him.

Vegeta, you are such a piece of shit. I know how badly you want me to just wring your fucking neck. I just want to turn you into mush sometimes. And it just makes me SO FUCKING ANGRY that you would want me to do that kind of sick shit to you. You don't even have enough dignity to value your own life when it comes to me. You would feel honored if I sent you to Hell. I wish I had spat on your grave when I dug it the first time.

 **ENTRY 6: VEGETA AGAIN**

I never finished writing about my encounter with Vegeta earlier today. I'm not sure what it is about that guy that gets me all worked up!

But I'm okay now. I took a breather earlier. I just read over everything I wrote and I'm kind of embarrassed? Haha.

Back to my story!

Earlier this afternoon I used instant transmission to teleport myself right to where Vegeta stood. As always, he was in the Gravity Room training against those wimpy robots Bulma built for him. Yuck. He was wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts and sneakers.

"Hey, buddy," I said while smiling, "what's the matter?"

He ignored me.

Earlier I mentioned Vegeta is super gay, right? At that moment I had the weirdest thought: could I get Vegeta to suck my dick?

I thought it would be hilarious if I could pull that off. But he's as skittish as a cat. I couldn't just go pulling my pants down all of a sudden and force him to go to town on my junk.

Instead, I took my shirt off. I didn't have much of a plan after that. But I knew the second I did it, he'd become distracted.

It worked. He got singed with a laser from one of Bulma's shitbots. He ordered the computer to turn the program off. He walked up to me with a sneer on his face and asked, "What are you doing?"

"I'm just getting more comfortable!"

"Put your shirt back on, Kakarot."

I didn't. He stood in front of me for a long time just staring at my chest.

"What's the matter, Vegeta?" I asked.

I distinctly remember him licking his lips. He said, "Nothing."

"Bulma said you've been cooped up in here for days now."

"It's none of her concern." He finally turned away from me.

I knew at this point I couldn't get him to suck my dick. But I wondered if I could make him admit how gay he was. Just for the fun of it. So I asked him, "Are you lonely, Vegeta?"

He snapped at me. "Why do you ask?"

Reading Vegeta's emotions was like staring into a crystal-clear swimming pool. Sure, he has depth to him, but he's not a complex or mysterious dude at all. No matter how many times Bulma brags to Chi-Chi about how sexy and brooding Vegeta can be, I'll always call bullshit. God, that shit gets annoying to hear about all of the time from my wife.

Anyway, I said, "I bet you haven't talked to anyone you could relate to in a long time. Doesn't that make you feel kind of sad?"

He looked away from me.

"I get lonely too sometimes," I lied.

Can you believe he looked at me with a smile on his face? He so badly wanted to believe that I was just like him. "The great Kakarot gets lonely?" he said.

"It's true!" I patted him on the shoulder. "I'm happy to be around my family, but sometimes I feel like they don't understand me."

"I feel the same way," he said immediately.

I wasn't sure if he was opening up so easily because he was tired from training three days straight, or because I was shirtless. Probably a combination of the two. I wanted to look down at his crotch to see if he already had a hard-on, but that would have broken the intense stare we shared with each other.

I can't believe how much of a woman he is. At that moment I really did wonder if he was about to tell me how much he loved me.

I helped him out. "You feeling lonely probably has something to do with us being the last Saiyans," I said.

"You may be right."

"Hey, I've got an idea!" I snapped my fingers. "Do you want to come over to my house tomorrow for dinner?"

Vegeta made another stupid facial expression. "With my family in tow?"

"By yourself. We can spar afterwards, too."

It was a perfect idea! Vegeta had an alibi to spend time with me by himself. He could even stay over late and lie to Bulma about training if necessary. Bulma would assume I was "fixing" her poor little Vegeta so he could properly fall in line with her lifestyle once I was done with him.

He nodded. "Alright."

I looked at his leg. He was antsy. My time with him was running out. I didn't get to make him admit he was gay, but he did agree to spend time with me. Alone.

I laughed. For a long time. Nothing was really funny. I just knew Vegeta enjoyed seeing me smile. He laughed too, then punched me hard in the ribs.

Normally I would get really mad about that sort of thing. But I knew he just wanted a chance to touch my exposed chest.

Honestly, I don't know what his real problem is and I don't care. Tomorrow night I'm going to push him to his limits to see if he'll break. Getting my dick sucked by the Prince of all Saiyans may be a tall order, but I bet I could get him to do something just as humiliating.


End file.
